A Serendipitious Evening……

A rainy noon left my hopes of going to the KanyaKumari Beach wet. I was sure my mumma definitely would lash out in the very likely event of me asking my hidden scooter keys for a ride to the beach. Ah! She also knows that she would have to fight a losing battle if the winsome weather belittles even more and ceases the rain. I had always heard this “Walls have ears” little did I notice that even Gods have ears. I came to this ratiocination as my prayers did make the clouds lay off their tears….Hmmm now the turbo engine within me had started, ensuring that I generate enough thrust to face Mumma. I knew facing her was pretty much equivalent to facing a panel of 123456789 10 Supreme court judges. I entered mumma’s room like a warrior hoping that I shall return back as a winner. Slowly I demanded for the scooter keys. The fight heated up and my counter argument saw mumma sitting on tenterhooks. Her only concern was “TSUNAMI”. It was January at that time it had been just a month since Tsunami had washed away the south coastal areas. To everything my mumma said, I had a reply. She finally said, “what if Tsunami comes again.” Haaa haa haa!!! I had a reply for this too. I said, “If the Tsunami has a willingness to romance the shores again, so be it. Shouldn’t there be atleast one Subbby to save the lives?” I am sure by now mumma’s anger would have gone sky high. She knew nothing on earth could change me except Dadda’s cane. I won the battle….. Mom’s mastermind-my dada wasn’t with us.

K.K beach was barely 20 kms away from my farm house, so, supposedly its gotta be a 30 min travel. But with the pace that I travel on my scooter I would take 50 mins. Na Na Na!!!! My scooter is in good condition people, just that I am scared of higher velocities (be it driving or….doing work at office. ). All along the way, I could feel what K.K beach has something corking in store for me. I could sense it from the wet and enceinte air that smashed against my nostrils. The clouds had cried their worth and by now had given way to the probing sun. On touching beach, I took a walk and decided to settle myself and enjoy the nature. Perhaps, who would want to miss being fondled and romanced???? In my case it was these surly winds that draped me with all the chillness and love they could. A moment, like a tonic, capable enough to dissolve all ur worries and carry the same as they leave you. But yes, fragrance was the only trace they could leave behind on you. Haaa!!!!! For once I thought, sitting at the K.K beach is another episode of “pursuit of happyness”. It was fun watching the foreigners trying to speak Tamil, the vendors speaking English and above all, it was fun watching kids tuning in to see the sunset. My thought was much oriented towards the place where the three seas meet. But, errr!!!! There was something even more that caught my attention. This time wasn’t any Tsunami, neither a wind nor any good mannered girl. It was a small tiny chap of age group between 5-8 yrs. He was building a sand castle. Having seen his first sand castle being washed away by the harsh sea waves, he moved a bit behind and began re-working. All the sand that scooped in his palm could raise a wall of a pencil cell’s height. That tiny his hands were. In a few moments, after some painstaking conscientious efforts, not even the boundary walls saw its completion and there….the waves again inaugurated the destruction of this chaps little empire. I presumed that this would certainly make this tiny tod share something in common with the sea (tears-water). Woah!!!! My assumptions were nullified. He proved that I was the biggest ever known bigot to myself. Nothing could purloin away his determination to see a completely built sand castle. This tiny sweet moved even more behind and plants his hopes of building the sand castle. From the place where he started his work, the shores seemed weak, but hopes still lingered high. In sometime, the lawn, the first floor, the upper section, the portico and the cannon rest!!!! Ah woah, what a castle. Beauty at its best. He seemed to be the youngest B.Arch student ever known to me. How I wished I could turn myself into a crab and have a long walk along the corridors of this sand castle. The beauty perhaps blew in fresh slices of smile on his face. He just turned around and walked off. I thought may be the castles beauty also brought hunger in him. I was wrong again. He brought his entire gang of comrades to view the beauty. Trust me, this lad only kept listening to his friends comments, lil did he let them know that it was his third attempt. After having enjoyed they all left for snacks. The stupid me, stood up and got closer to see the castle. I kneeled, I rolled, and I peeped and saw every corner of the castle. The cohort hadn’t gone much far and there…. The huge ill mannered waves decayed all the applauses the castle won. Only the ruins stayed to welcome the next threshold waves. The entire grp came back to the epicenter of the ruins.

Hmmm!!! I thought at least this would gift his eyes with tears. Perhaps, this was the first time in my life I was expecting someone to cry. Not actually from within but the feckless situations and boor waves made me think that way. Especially when a beautifully built kingdom comes to ashes in just seconds. Aha!!! As usual, this chaps again!!! A rude shock shook my thought. He just walked off even farther and started building the empire-the fourth time. But this time, the entire army of frenz were at his service. Very soon, the castle was re-built but this time with even much greater beauty. (perhaps, the increased no. of B.Archs engendered this new feat)… this lad though didn’t win any personal appreciation from me but I learnt something “grave”!!!! Tiny kid brought his hopes alive even after being washed away thrice. There were certain paradoxes that started ringing my knell. What is that thing which the tiny chap has and I don’t have. And to my discovery whats common in him wasn’t seen in any nook and cranny of me. The three D’s of life-Dedication, Devotion and above all the Determination. Even one’s absence, you shall never even touch the fringes of success. The sea had washed away his kingdom, but it couldn’t wash away that tiny chap’s determination and grit. His grit ensured his hopes unfetter from the clasps of the sea waves. Ah!!! What a lesson I learnt. To help myself redress my senses and think more on what have I achieved in life, I began to trod to the Suicide Bench. Silence is what I wanted for some minutes.

My silence helped me see another lad running and rambling across the shores. A close focus …. Ah!!! This chap was one of the entire gang who came in for applauding the architect who built the castle. He seemed abnormal, perhaps if not he, his actions did. His eyesight ingrained on the sand incessantly. He kept running across from one end to another. He kept varying his pace. At once, he ran and then stood, smiled and again started expediting. The entire run up saw some happiness. Well, after a long didactic evening having learnt a few morals I was happy to see this kid smiling. But I couldn figure out wy this chap is being so absurd??? In the entire run up, he walks, he stops, he runs, he smiles… but all done with his head angled towards the sandy shore. Was he after some crab or some scorpion??? I climbed the palisade and headed towards him with my eyes catching more frequency of enthusiasm and fervor, as I got closer to him. Oh man!!!! This chap is the wealthiest human I have eva known, for he had been smiling and running around for over an hour. I walked and blurted out, “Dai (native way of sayin “OIY” in Tamil) what you doing. I had been watching you for over an hour. Are u practicing run ups for a cricket match?” The boy still smiled. And said, “anna sit down. What you have been seeing is ryt. Yesterday in school I learnt that shadows are our twins. They shape exactly as how we are and perhaps we can never run away from our shadow, isn’t it?” I replied, “ya of course… were u upto some Newtonian experiments and jibing with ur teacher’s words?” He continued, “no anna…. If shadows are exactly our reduplicate, if it’s our twin…… then wy doesn’t it show my smile? That’s what I had been wanting to see. I kept smiling all day long but couldn see my smile, anna. Do u know the reason? If that shadow could draw my body, then wy not my smile also. It’s been ages since I have seen myself smiling “.

Oh my god, my thought began molesting my scientific theories I knew!!!! . I asked, “wy ages? Don’t you have a mirror at home?” His reply sent a rude shock across my spine. He said, “my house was washed away by the sea in December anna. I lost everything, my mirror, my house, and even my parents. I earn my living selling groundnuts, anna”. O gosh! I had no questions to dress his misery and no more answers to soothe him. I asked, “‘where do u stay?” He replied, “I and my brother stay at the Govt dorms built for Tsunami victims. He is mentally disturbed after the grave loss we both faced. Life without parents and life with a mentally challenged brother”. As the words slipped his lips, so did the tears helped him give the emotions a feel. I was dumb struck not knowing how to deal. The least I expected to see was to have anyone crying. I just can’t tolerate anyone unhappy. I said, “relax pa, things will settle. I saw u this afternoon commenting that castle. Are u all guys a gang?” to this he replied, “Yes anna, we all are orphaned. And that castle, ya it was my brother who built it. We all just dropped in to wish him.”

God, what am I hearing? I just posed another question,” you said u brother is mentally challenged, then how could…” he interrupted and spoke, “yes, u r right anna, he is mentally retarded. It is wy he was building the castle. I saw his castle being washed away four times. He actually was metering the distance from the shore where he could build his house once he grows up, to ensure that next Tsunami doesn mess up his house, the so called castle, he claims. He does this everyday anna and we all do not dishearten him” …. Now, I had tears in me… more violent were the questions that raised deep within with no answers to glorify. He continued, “I am in 9th anna, I have no clue who u are and wy u so closely talking to me. I have never seen happiness in life and that’s wat I was hunting in the shadows, this evening”. I said, “hmm, so u want to see ur smile, isn’t it???? Well, I had video recorded ur act from the suicide bench on my camera phone. View it” and no sooner did I show the clip, the smile…oh my god, the smile that hit his vermeil cheeks, brought out all the shy and decayed teeth to limelight. His smile expended more than it could. Woah!!!! Subbby’s day!!! Finally I made someone smile. He was all smiles and was so filled with energy. It’s so nice to see others smile and wat makes u special is when u are the reason for someone’s smile…. Perhaps my clipping showed him a reason to smile. He wished me longevity and said he gotta leave. I cashed him with some notes I had in my wallet to which he rebuffed. I requested him to take it in lieu of all the groundnuts he owned. ..woah!!!… nice day…. A day that deprecated my ingenuity, questioned my existence and ornated my day.

Hmmmmmm with thoughts overflowing I reached home. I had to make up some excuse for returning late. So this intellect Subbby shared his experience with mumma and dada to escape the cane’s episode. And abt that guy, he is now in 12th standard in state owned school in Tamil Nadu and to my surprise he stood 1st in his school in the SSC examinations… He still earns his living selling groundnuts and his brother getting back to normalcy. Thanks to state owned hospitals. I meet him every time I visit my native place because I find some kind of peace in sharing a part of my life, or rather a few moments of my life with such needy ppl who need love and make them happy and smile.

-subbby

An Autobiography of an “UNKNOWN”

Having been brought up in a military rule, my pranks never saw its closedown. Every day I was kissed by the broom. Perhaps, if you saunter across my tiny childhood days, you would have seen exactly a gelid version of me. Showing interests in arts and literature was conceived as a goofy act. As time moved on, I cultivated my interest in science and technology. Withal, leisure time did see me writing stories, articles and short plays. I never intended to deliberately hurt anyone. I always had this wish in me, to see every soul happy and smiling. So did my plays and short stories and poems reflect my wish. I neva wished to garner anyone’s attention, for that matter I used to write funny stories under someone else’s name and stick them on my school corridors. I just found some happiness in see others happy.

Uncertain of my existence I began bulging out from my friends circle. I believed in making fewer friends but always saw myself drowning in an ocean of friends. These candid friendlies more often stayed like catalysts, capable enough to elevate my life into a new realm of enjoyment. I passed through a series of days where I had to decide should I be a good boy or perhaps resort to forged habits. But, thanks to my idol-my dad and his counseling. Still…. Nothing could stop me from barking at a dog, caressing a cat’s tail, opening up the chickens stored for meat. Pranks were an integral part of my genes. Every birthday just indicated that I am proficient in addition-had mastered the idea of adding my age J . Slowly my inclination towards studies reached its high. I had more responsibilities to execute than ambitions to chase. Wherever in life I stood, there was one mystery that deduced no answer to my existence. However this mystery though kept echoing in my lil’ heart, often got dissolved in my impartial daily chores. I never found any exegesis or perfect interpretation to the callow question that kept brewing my precarious heart. Unless and until I found anyone falling for me. I found a reason to live. My ornate skills helped me gain fame in my university, so did my fan list. One such human was the girl who found me worth as her partner. I ousted myself from my conventional scrupples and accepted the convenient offer. I feared she saw someone else in me for she already had someone guarding her love. Things grew…so did our relationship but not till I disclosed the same question to her-the one which had left me sleepless and depraved. Hmmm! Alas, everything in world changes, the next episode of the same series started and halted for the same reason.

Studies never saw a low amidst any of the predicament I was made to scale. A job was the new born baby that brought happiness in my confusion scuttled life. It brought along a privilege of having won an achievement at the first go. Perhaps, the first ray of happiness ever embarked upon me… but nothing in life has stayed concrete . Simple as it is, every object be it love or ecstasy stayed just a breath long. In that case, why bother and worry about my life which has always been didactic and making me learn all lessons of life. There was one apocryphal question still lingering and banging its head inside my heart. Question was simple!!! Why am I being so very on the right track? Why have I been my mumma’s boy? Why did I choose to stick to dadda’s principles???? These tags had an answer attached…I OWE THEM A LOT infact a lot more than what they have done to me. That doesn’t ground the reason, more deeper u dig , I have a better answer to the apocryphal question. Answer is “I do not belong, I am owned”

– Subbby

A Question of a Million Dollar Worth

Quite often doing foolish and anserine stuffs did drab happiness into me. Buying Gi-Joes, He-Mans, Skeletons, Barbie dolls, and Hotwheels car gave me a new domain of happiness. Perhaps, not for the fact that I would get to imbibe and toy with it and help myself cherish my bright childhood days. This definitely had a Machiavelli or rather a subtle game plan surrounding it. Confused??????????

I always enjoy watching others smiling and believe in keeping others happy. A part of my monthly salary, I used to feed my piggy bank and this monthly salary precisely went nowhere but in buying those toys for the children at the orphanage.

At times, whenever I plan a stay at my native place I make it a point to visit a nearby orphanage. Every visit there and spending time with the kids would kindle so much of energy onto me. There were times I have even learnt how to live life, from them. This orphanage and the kids there where capable of injecting something nuance or rather subtle enough to impart more vibes of happiness into you. For a few moments, forget the kids, the place where they dwell-the orphanage, would entice any level of mental peace into you. “Discipline” shall equate its actual definition here. Every sound, every whisper that hits the borders of your ears is so full wet with happiness, thanks to those smilingly chirpy kids that move around. Sadness is the only fearful clause that stays abstemious from entering the topography of this place. And as for the kids, their smile is the only euphemism that enshrouds their sorrow of who they belong to? I always wondered, there has to be some source or for that matter a reason behind these kids being so cheerful and thriving in with so much of blithe, wherein even divine intervention wasn’t allowed. I mean, even the divine gods couldn’t obfuscate the flow of the happiness charging ions.

This time too, whilst spending a vacation at my native place, I made it a point to orbit the orphanage. Little did I realize, this visit shall shock every inch of my spine. As usual, my airbag full of toys I landed up there. No sooner did I set my foot inside, than I had these loads of kids hustling towards me. A few of these tiny toads climb one above the other. One on each shoulder of mine, one on my hip one sitting right on top of my head. At times these kids, outta happiness, not knowing where and wat to hold have ripped of my pant zip too. All they needed was my presence. And as far as seeing these kids happy, I never would mind such tiny episodes (MANHANDLE OF MY ZIP) ;-). I always ensure I spend a full day with the kids there and never make it a point to miss taking to Nithya.

A girl there, who grew up at the orphanage. After having distributed the gifts I sat for my laconic discussion with her. As usual, she had tonnes and tonnes of things to share with me. She asked, “Subbby Anna, tell me one thing, answer me from ur heart…what’s one thing that loves u?” I replied, “Parental Love”. She jumps to the next, “what’s one thing that you love anna?” My power to rhetoric saw me sayin, “I love being loved”. There she had even a much powerful answer to my replies. “you know wat anna, we enjoy not even one out of the two you said, but out of all the humans created by God, we orphans are the happiest beasts in the world. There isn’t any lance that draws up a curve based on caste. We love each other the most. Of course we dont get to enjoy what the others outside this place do, but our level of happiness can never languish by time. And your coming here, gifts us with more resplendence in our smiles, anna”. She continues, “for all the kids around the globe, Santa Claus comes only once a yr, but for the living creatures here inside this orphanage, we see only one Santa Claus coming and it’s when you drop in, anna. You just fill in with so much of charm and love.” Trust me, I felt very light…but….. She takes up more and says, “World is so filled with beautiful ppl anna. Ppl love animals and love to grow one at their houses too. Some like dogs and some cats. They term them as ‘PETS’. But wy doesn anyone find a reason to adopt us too??? As ‘PET HUMANS’. Arent we a better investment than animals, anna. Wy does anyone leave us midway? What fault did we pursue when we were born, anna?” I felt trammeled. My mouth shut and had only tears reaching upto my eyelids. She further says, “Subbby anna, will u forget us once you go to States or rather even worse, when you get married and get kids?” Looking at the Nithya and the other kids there, I just had nothing to speak except for a blatant truth, which only had the courage to keep echoing within the chambers of my heart, “How I wish I could let her know that, even I shared the same cradle as they did.”

Certain things in life have their own values. Perhaps, what we enjoy isnt enjoyed by many. These questions posed by Nithya were so poignant, i yet search for answers for of those enigmatic interrogatives…

– Subbby